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Animals on the Loose
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Animals on the Loose

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By Bill Frazer

A few months ago a 4-year old boy got into the GORILLA cage at the Cincinnati Zoo. Rather than risk the GORILLA killing the little boy, the zoo guard shot the GORILLA. Then the animal rights people went viral about killing an animal that is becoming extinct.

In thinking about it, I could not have shot that GORILLA. Speaking of wild beasts, I was hanging out at the Saban den known as Lafayette True Value when James Walter came out of his cubby hole and told me that he had a gift for me. I told him that was great as I needed some pay back for all the disrespect that I had received at the store. He handed me a large HOUSE FOR SALE sign and told me that I needed to place it in Gus Malzahn’s front yard. I have placed a long distance call to the guard at the Cincinnati Zoo and asked him if he could help me out as we had a undesirables running loose at the local hardware store. I requested that the zoo guard to take a look at some of the JACKASSES wearing red jerseys running around inside the establishment. I had to relent as he wanted me to pay for his air fare, and Stanley over at F & M would not make me a loan to finance this hit.

It is not only out at the hardware store, but there are wolves running around everywhere dressed in sheeps clothing. I had a phone call the other night from a stranger who called me by my first name.  He thought it was William but more accurately I should be Benjamin Matlock, the TV lawyer who is a noted tight wad. The telephone sales rep told me that I had won a subscription to a magazine called SECRETS FOR AGED LOVERS . Since at this stage of life I have become defunct in knowledge of these secrets, I was happy to give him my mailing address which is the police chief who lives next door. He then asked for my credit card number which I gave him the expired card number.  I asked him why he was billing me as I had won a free subscription. He told that me that the $20/month was shipping and handling charges but the subscription was free.  This should be interesting!  Maybe Tony will pay it.

I do not know if you remember the event, but in 2009 up in Stamford, CONN, Sandra Herold had (notice that I said had as she no longer has) a 200 lb. CHIMPANZEE that she kept in her house as a pet. Someone of that temperament must have been a graduate of Nick Saban University; how dumb can you get? Anyway, the James Walter Allens “look a like” started eating her friend who came to visit. The visiting woman was taken to a hospital but managed to survive in spite of the primate eating her flesh causing life-threatening injuries.  It seems that there was no public outcry when the police shot this CHIMPANZEE

I guess as far as animals that represent a team, the University Of Florida is the most offensive. In fact they have a field day that is called Gator Growl. I don’t know if they growl but they have been known to attack people. Take a trip to Florida now, and you will see a lot of yellow signs with gator warnings. The signs are new; the gators are not.

WAREAGLES fly and consume a variety of unwanted pests. Of course the old title of TIGER still exists, but another team has picked up that title. That is because we Auburnites do not go around eating people.

Maybe I should rephrase my comments about the people who go undercover posing as animals.  Hillary stated that 50% of the Trump supporters were unworthy Americans (deplorable) and maybe the same could be said about the TIDE followers rather than Trumping them altogether.