Home Columns Cats and cars don’t mix

Cats and cars don’t mix


Jodie FullerBy Jody Fuller

I won’t be back in my home for another three weeks. This week, I’m staying in the fully furnished basement of my aunt and uncle’s home at Still Waters on beautiful Lake Martin. Although I’ll only be here for a short period of time, it’s brought back many memories of my three other basement living experiences over the past two decades.

A couple of the basements were below hardwood floors. If you’ve never lived in a basement below hardwood floors, be grateful that you’ve never lived in a basement below hardwood floors. Make no mistake about it, I’m grateful to have a nice place to hang my hat, but a cotton ball falling on the floor above sounds like a bowling ball crashing through the ceiling.

Fortunately for me, my aunt and uncle are getting up there in age, and they move slowly, so I seldom hear them make a sound. I may not hear them, but they have a cat who likes to play with a golf ball on the floor, which sounds like a bulldozer demolishing a small village. It is so annoying.

Speaking of annoying cats, I had a feline fiasco last week. I suddenly found myself responsible for a cat named Abby. A family is watching my dog, so I’d hoped they would keep my cat for me until I was back in my home. Due to an allergy in that family, they were unable to do so. I’ve heard about a cat in a cradle. In fact, there’s a pretty good song about that. I’ve heard about a cat on a hot tin roof. I hear there’s a pretty good play about that. There is, however, one thing this is neither pretty nor good, and that is a cat in a car. Cats and cars don’t mix. I nearly lost my mind.

I once had a roommate who used the same spoon for both the peanut butter and the jelly. I’ve sat in front of a cowbell ringing Mississippi State fan at an Auburn game. My grandparents had a toilet handle that always had to be jiggled. So trust me, I know annoying, but I had never experienced anything like that cat’s constant meowing during the torturous 30 minute car ride to the lake the other night. In fact, I may be rethinking my stance on waterboarding. Seriously, there are some things that we as human beings should not be subjected to.

Once I arrived at my aunt and uncle’s home, I had to take a walk around Lake Martin to settle my nerves. It was that bad. One person recommended that I give the cat some type of a tranquillizer for the trip back to my house. Another person said a tranquillizer didn’t work on her cat. I figure it’s worth a shot. If it doesn’t work, I can always use it for myself, because I think I’d rather have someone yell “Roll Tide” in my ear for a half hour than have to deal with that again. On second thought, “Here kitty, kitty. Wanna go for a ride?”

For all you feline fanatics out there, don’t worry. Abby is a great cat, and I’m taking great care of her. In fact, she’s lying next to me right now, and there’s absolutely nothing annoying about it.

Jody Fuller is a comic, speaker, writer and soldier with three tours of duty in Iraq. He is also a lifetime stutterer. He can be reached at jody@jodyfuller.com. For more information, please visit http://www.jodyfuller.com.