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Humor-All Men Are Created Equal

Humor-All Men Are Created Equal


By Bill Frazer

Thomas Jefferson decreed in the Declaration of Independence that ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL. Everybody knows that is a misstatement. However, the next line that reads WITH CERTAIN INALIENABLE RIGHTS is spot on.

I guess when you have a brain cavity that is empty, it is natural to try and fill that void. Consequently, I give a lot of attention to meaningless thought.

Last week, as the wife and I ate at Sonny’s, I ran into John Lyons. I first become acquainted with John Lyons when he was an usher down at the Langdale Theater. I understand that he now is into yoga, which is pretty amazing considering he has 94 years of wearing out.

As I sat there and slopped on my second plate full of fried green tomatoes, the thought came to me that John has more hair than a teenager. Jefferson’s assertion that ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL is just not so. Every few days, I have to pull loose hair out of my comb. Most of the time, I just use a damp wash rag. Come to think about it, Monroe Smith also has a full head of hair.

Then I got to thinking! What if women went bald? According to the current wave of thought, ALL GENDER is created equal. What? Suppose women had a tendency to go bald! I assume that Jefferson’s ALL MEN included women as well. Look what that would do to our economy. No more hair sprays, no beauty parlors that specialized in washing ladies’ hair, no permanent waves, hair curlers or hair brushes.

Speaking of women, since about the age of 13, I decided I liked them better than men. (I don’t know what happened.) I slop daily with Mary Frances Sims up at the Pore Folks Dining Hall. Mary Frances will be 98 in a few months and it galls me that she is more mentally alert than the rest of us aged. If I need information about early LaFayette or Chambers County for my weekly column, she can spout off not only the names but what was their business or other details. I can hardly stand it! I can’t even remember what happened last year. In addition, she is a good sport as I like to prod about women’s expensive hair management. Every Friday, even if we are in the midst of a tornado, she is hot footing to the beauty parlor. I try to tell her for a couple of dollars that I will wash her hair in the sink up at the Pore Folks Dining Hall. You mean to tell me that EVERYONE IS CREATED EQUAL!

My wife and I were sitting on the couch in the den during our morning Bible study and noticed water dripping from the ceiling at the kitchen door. So I called Rodney Cook and asked him to look at the problem. He came by and said that the tile in the upstairs shower was cracked and the drain was also faulty and that both would have to be torn out and replaced. So I contacted Cooter Allen out at LaFayette True Value Hardware and inquired if I could buy some kind of sealant and let this cheapskate (me) paint it over the tile. Cooter said that it was not a good idea as it would only prolong the rebuilding of the shower. So I relented and contracted Brandon Cook to do the job. Now talk about ALL ARE MEN CREATED being a gross misnomer. Not only did Brandon tear out everything in the shower, he is now in the process of replacing all the structures. This includes carpenter work, painting, plumbing and laying tile. I thought that he would have to bring other skilled craftsmen to help in performing the job. Not so! He is doing all of the work himself and it is an incredible display of craft and talent. I wouldn’t know how to drive a nail in the shower. Come to think about it, carpenters don’t hammer nails but use an air gun. Careful now, Brandon, if you are using a gun. Chuck, Nancy and Maxine are pushing a bill through Congress to outlaw all guns.

Well there is a political correctness movement to get rid of other early America patriots’ sayings. I guess we will have to add Thomas Jefferson to the list. However, I let the Bible be my final authority—men and women are both created in the image of God. We may not all be equal in our gifts and talents, but we are equal in wort

It Ain’t Fair – 94 Year John Lyons With Grand Daughter McCall Fullerton – He Has More Hair Than President Trump
Miss Know-It-All 97 Year Mary Frances Sims

h before Him.

Skilled Brandon Cook Showing Off His Extraordinary Talents