Home Columns Humor by Bill Frazer: Water Freaks

Humor by Bill Frazer: Water Freaks

Frank Allen Recyling Yard.
Wrong Box Ashley Does Not Waste Plastic-If It Fits, Wear It.
Larry Crozier New Lake Martin Patrol Boat.

Admittedly this old Coot raised in a cotton patch has trouble understanding our complex society. Now there are a lot of environmental concerns threatening the world today. According to John Kerry and Ocasio-Cortez, in our lifetime we are looking at the end of our population on Planet Earth.

In order to comply with the notion that our planet is doomed within the next 20 years, I will continue my New Year’s Resolutions by vowing to drink tap water. The water that I drink is treated water discharged into the Hooch at an Atlanta sewage plant and treated again at the West Point Water Treatment Plant. Although some of the tap water has a yellow tint and tastes like lemony, I do not think that it is fruit juice.

I understand that if there is a little yellow color in the water that it should still be healthy. In fact, I have never tasted water as H2O has no taste. There is a little ditty that goes with tap water use: “If it is yellow, let it mellow but if it is brown, turn it down. If it has a taste, let it waste.”

Ocasio-Cortez is right. All these plastic bottled waters are polluting the earth. There is 50 times more plastic in a water bottle as there is in a straw. But somehow it is the straw that is destroying the environment. If you go into any food store, you can’t help but notice that they have more plastic bottle water brands than they do soft drinks. Now this is what gets me – a 16-ounce plastic bottle of water costs as much as a 16-ounce coke.

But you dummy, don’t you know that springs and wells that are the source of bottled water are contaminated? If no, then explain to me why springs and well water must be inspected by the FDA before it is marketed. Do you know what happens to sewerage fed into a cesspool? The feces settle into the tank whereas the urine runs off and into the ground. When it rains, the urine is fed into the underground source of water for underground wells and springs.

I asked Leigh Anne Jackson if she used tap water. She said no. Then I asked her how she flushed the toilet without tap water. She said that is different. I then queried if she used tap water to take a bath; her reply was that she does not ingest bathwater. Then I inquired of her if she used tap water to wash dishes and she said yes but that the soap purified the water. Finally, I asked her how she rinsed her dishes. She had to admit that the dishes were rinsed with “contaminated” water.

Now, what is a “tap?” In my early years I always thought that it was a gentle physical touch to gain one’s attention or that it referenced a type of dancing that embarrassed me every time I tried the moves. Now I see it used in drinking establishments to describe beer. To the “cotton patch native” beer not only looks like urine but tastes like it as well. But probably the best expression of this word describes me—an old codger that is “tapped” out.