Home News Humor – Why I will never run for president
Humor – Why I will never run for president

Humor – Why I will never run for president

By Bill Frazer

I will never run for president. In the first place, I might get the family vote but that is about it. Certainly the sorry sons-in-law would not vote for this old geezer, especially after that description of them. I would probably get more votes if I ran on a platform of free health care, free college, free housing, free childcare, and free cell phones (but not free speech, mind you) and had the wealthy Hollywood celebrities and the tech entrepreneurs and the Clinton Foundation pay for it.

After watching President George W Bush and John Kerry during the 2004 presidential campaign, I’ve decided that it must be tough out there on the campaign trail, knowing that a horde of news reporters are camped in hometowns for the duration, searching for anything suspicious or degrading.

Before the 1992 election, the media managed to dig up three pieces of information regarding Bill Clinton that required an explanation. First was his alleged twelve-year romantic affair with Jennifer Flowers. She reportedly received $175,000 for selling her story to Star, a supermarket tabloid. Next, the gravediggers came up with the fact that Clinton allegedly made every effort to avoid serving in the military during the Vietnam War. Finally his opponent alleged during a national televised debate of the Democratic candidates that as governor, Clinton had steered government legal business to his wife’s law firm.

Did we not see almost the same garbage in the 2004 campaign? Kerry’s people were saying that Bush avoided active duty by transferring to a National Guard unit in Alabama. Along with other slander, Bush’s people were saying that Kerry did not earn the medals he was awarded after the Vietnam War, along with a lot of other things he claims. And it was more of the same in 2008, with McCain running down Obama, and Obama running down McCain.

In the 2012 election cycle, conservative black candidate Herman Cain dropped out of the primaries because of “woman problems” being dug up, and other candidates had to suffer through mistakes and sins committed long ago being brought back to life. The Republicans Romney and Ryan, were tearing the Democrats apart in the debates and the Democrats Obama, & Biden, were tearing the Republicans apart also. Is there no end to the slander and vindictiveness?

The same happened between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton in the 2016 campaign. Trump is “hiding his taxes, collaborating with the Russians, guilty of offensive talk about women and has had unacceptable contacts with the Klu Klux Klan and Fascists.” Hillary Clinton has her own lies and challenges to face regarding the Iran Deal of selling nuclear sources to the enemy, selling favors as the Secretary of State by receiving money through the guise of speeches and the Clinton Foundation, setting up a private server and participating in the undermining by the Democratic Party of another candidate in Bernie Sanders. And I haven’t even detailed the Benghazi tragedy. Many of these claims do need to be thoroughly investigated, especially when one is serving in a governmental position. But the attacks seems so relentless and malicious, motivated by feelings of outrage than by common sense of what is right and legal and following the proper channels to address.

It seems that in this day and time what a candidate stands for is not as important as what he has done in the past that can be dug up and published or blasted through the TV or Internet. I don’t think I would want to run for president, and I don’t understand why others do it.

I can see it now that if I should choose to run and the gravediggers start digging, these indiscretions might pop up.

Bill Frazer, while in the 5th grade, used the class trash can as a urinal.

Teacher says Frazer as a 6th grader put a roach in the Teacher’s lunch box.

According to witnesses, Bill Frazer seen dumpster diving behind the grocery store.

Bill Frazer uses a gas hogging lawn mower to trim his and church’s yard.

Frazer was an avid viewer of Bill O’Reilly’s The Factor.

Townswoman reports Bill Frazer weaving in and out on street while on bicycle.

Review of his newspaper columns reveals that Frazer stands for the pledge of allegiance, supports prayer in public schools and unashamedly says, “Merry Christmas!”

Church members state that Frazer sings a little too loudly in church.
See, it just AIN’T worth all the disgrace and embarrassment one would cause just to be president. Oops! Just gave them one more piece of dirt—my Southern use of grammar.