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Humor:GROSS MISUSE OF ENGLISH

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Old Timers Fat Cat Vaughn And Quail Run Smith
That Is What My Wife Says

I mentioned several weeks ago about how I got ripped off by Cooter Allen. I went out to LaFayette True Value Hardwood to purchase a screw driver and he sold me a driver made in Iran and shipped to China which sells most of their tools to the USA.. When I looked at the screw driver I realized that I probably could have done just as well tightening the screws in my rocking chair with a nail file.

When Cooter told me that the cost of the screw driver was $20, I became unglued. He then told me that I was a cheap skate. So I skidaddled out of there like a tight wad going to the bank. These high lighted words are an embarrassment to the more sophisticated former Lint Heads such as Sara Jean Ector.

Out in the cotton patch our use of English was much more in-scripted but an embarrassment to those who chose to make a career in the more fake up scale communities such as Tuscalloosa. Everybody knows that Auburn is a agricultural college attended by Cotton Patch students with much higher intellectual level. A Leaker told me that students at Alabama were required to attend an honorary service every morning before class to honor their god Nick Saban (That comes from a pretty good source as that is what Fat Cat Vaughn told me). Fat Cat told me when he was a student there, they did the same ritual for the BEAR.

Whether one likes it or not, GROSS MISUE OF ENGLISH was an important part of the Cotton Patch crowd logo. It allowed those with this life style to better communicate with each other in terms that are relative to their culture. For an example this lingo: laid by which means the last plowing of the crop in the current year. Currently, it could describe sleeping with your wife. Then there is a statement until the cows come home. It meant that one really did not know when the slacker would come home. Actually cows do come home at dusk every night to feed on the grain in the trough while farmer milked. Another one, he looks like he is chewing on a curd. That certainly is not a compliment. Cows graze on foliage and store it their stomach. After grazing they stand around chewing on a curd. A curd is food reingested. You might say that they are chewing their vomit. Then there are those whose eating habits are those who slop like a hog. Which pretty much describes a greedy person at the table. Due to fear of a short life span, I am not naming those in our midst who slop like a hog. But his initials are JWA. An often used phrase is stubborn as a mule. Mules are a first cousin to a jackass hence one can draw you own conclusions as to the meaning of the term. He put his head on the chopping block. That is the description one who risk his life doing something stupid. The chopping block is a large block of fire wood where the farmer uses his axe to cut off the heads of chickens before they are hung on a tree limb to let the blood drain. Nobody wants to eat a bloody chicken. He is like a snake in the grass. This describes a person who is thought of in the farming community as one who crawls to avoid the community seeing his actual evil activity. I know that there are people in our society that act like a snake in the grass such as the the lottery that takes your money.

Although this review of the MISUE OF ENGLISH is dated, a lot of current activity fits in the lingo.

For a current example, Quid Pro Quo is I see every hour on TV. Where did that come from? The country patch crowd has no idear of the meaning of LATIN.