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Licensing Woes

Humor by Bill Frazer

I noticed on the box this morning that there was a big flap about a little girl setting up a lemonade stand in her family’s yard. One of the neighbors turned her into the police for running a business without a license. I suppose the Health Department will have to come out and give her a food contamination grade before she resumes business. Along with the lemonade license controversy, there was another flap out in Texas about a teen mowing his neighbors’ yard and charging for the service without having a business license.

It is a reality that there should be a licensing program for a business venture. Standards must be met such as safety, liability and fraud. However, some common sense must come along with the Department that issues licenses. Legally, the little girl who sets up a lemonade stand for profit and the for-hire teenager lawn service are required to be licensed. So, does that mean the girl who babysits your kids, the maid who cleans your house, and the lad who walks your dog must be licensed?

And musing on common sense, I have been griping a long time about having to go through a weapons search just to pay taxes or buy a tag or driver’s license. Sid said that to obtain funds from the Federal Homeland Defense, this electronic survey for all of the Court House users must be in play. I understand this safety concern for the portion of the Court House where the judges’ offices are located, but is it really necessary to go through a metal detector to buy a tag? Defenders of the system tell me that they keep a lot of money in the Probate Office. Well now, the bank across the street has 100 times as much money as the Probate Office, yet no once is forced to empty his pockets and go through an electrical probe when he enters the bank.

Yesterday I waddled up to the Chambers County Court House to gain entry to the Probate Judge office to renew my wife’s handicapped parking sign. Of course to do that you must go through the electronic device that looks like a metal casket turned up on end. I handed my keys and change to the Deputy and went through the electrical chamber. As I entered the contraption, it went off like a burglar alarm. The Deputy was very courteous as he realized that sometimes the aged fails to comprehend. He said that his hand held metal detector had a dead battery and that I would have to go back through the casket. (I mean, metal detector.) He removed the pen out my shirt pocket as it had a metal clip and I did as told.

Again, the thing went off like a four-alarm fire. So again the Deputy checked me and asked if I had a bone transplant which I replied that I did not. He saw that my boots had a metal lace clip so he asked me to remove my shoes and go through again. Same thing, it went off like a weather siren. Then the Deputy spotted the problem; I had a belt with a metal buckle. I took off my belt, handed it to the Deputy and went through again bare-footed and holding up my pants with my hand and it sounded off like an ambulance on the way to an accident scene. He told me to take off my shirt and that’s when he spotted my pierced belly button amongst the belly fat. Now, that is one sharp dude.

I put my clothes back on and got my parking sign renewed. Since I had penetrated the Russian border defense (I mean Chambers County electronic alert), I decided to take the opportunity to go over to Judge Calvin Milford’s Office to protest the embarrassment of having to do a body strip search in front of all the Court House staff. His female security guard was off duty, so I charged right into his office. He told me that his duties call for him to judge violators of the law and that he had no part of Putin’s (I mean Sid’s) line of defense. So I felt like Nick Saban in Clemson, and tucked my tail between my legs and went on back to my office.

Daily it becomes pretty obvious to the old man that being a grouch does not change the rules. It is already a law in effect that to protest in the larger municipalities, you have to have a license.

What I have learned from this is that the next time that I need to do business in the Chambers County Court House, I will wear my speedo (revealing bathing suit) –NO MORE OBNOXIOUS SIREN!