Forgive me if I’m a little groggy this morning. My wife has challenged me to give up coffee and this is the first morning I haven’t partaken. To be honest, I’m having second thoughts, as I attempt to get moving without my “go” juice.
You see coffee has been my motivator for the last fifty years of my life. Like my dad before me, I drank (or drink) copious amounts of coffee. I can’t ever remember a one cup morning, or even two or three cups. With me it’s always been how many pots. And those pots have driven me to work non-stop throughout the day. I haven’t needed breakfast, or lunch, just my coffee.
And again like my dad before me, I have never ruined a cup of coffee with cream, sugar or like products. Coffee isn’t coffee unless it is black and thick. Don’t ever think about serving me a flavored coffee, not even cappuccino. Coffee isn’t real if it’s not black.
There’s one major problem, however, when I drink coffee. The heavy dark liquid, like for many of us, induces my body to shake, particularly my hands. Combine that with the fact that I am already, shaking because of Essential Tremors, a neurological disorder that causes one to shake uncontrollably at times, and there’ no wonder I can’t eat soup with a spoon, or get through an entire day without spilling at least one cup of coffee.
So henceforth, I’m going to try not to imbibe. And I’m just hoping very soon I’ll be able to get in a buffet line or hammer a nail without spilling food or missing the nail and injuring my hand. Maybe even people will stop looking at me funny and thinking I’m an alcoholic or on drugs. Just maybe I’ll experience a whole new world out there that has been clouded in the past by my coffee intake.
I know my employees will be happier. You probably haven’t encountered a more “high strung” guy than me after a pot of coffee. I’m a ball of energy rolling from task to task, and never taking time out to even have a casual conversation.
I also know my wife will be happier. There will be no more ruined shirts or pants with coffee stains. Heck just a couple of days ago not only did I spill coffee on my clothes but burned the back of both hands. I just now am getting over the tingling sensation the burns caused.
Experts say you need a replacement for the coffee. They say I just can’t go “cold turkey” without another, healthier, drink of choice. I’m not sure what that replacement will be. This morning it was water, however I’m not a big fan of H2O, and previous to this day rarely consumed it. Maybe, just maybe some flavor of juice might work. I like orange and grapefruit juice. Maybe I should keep a stash of fruit juice in my car and office.
Strike the last 500 words you have just read. As I’m trying to wrap-up this column of self-improvement, in walks a friend of mine, with the freshest, warmest cup of coffee I have encountered in a long time. She sets it down in front of my keyboard and says “enjoy.”
I protest vehemently. “I’m giving it up. Take it away.”
She says, “You’re a fool. Coffee is good for you. It keeps your mind active. It prevents Alzheimers, AND it’s far better than the sugar-filled alternatives I know you will turn to.”
She’s got me there. I think for a few seconds. I look at the cup of coffee. I look up at my screen. I look down at the cup and start sipping.
Hypocrite is my middle name.