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My Garden of Life: Stuck at Home

Jody Fuller is from Opelika, Ala. He is a comic, speaker, writer and soldier with three tours of duty in Iraq. He is also a lifetime stutterer. He can be reached at jody@jodyfuller.com. For more information, please visit www.jodyfuller.com

I just came in from feeding the animals. We have been staying close to the house during these self-quarantined days, but tonight we did go over to Mimi’s to celebrate a birthday. We tried to practice social distancing. I mean, we really did. In fact, we didn’t even hold hands when Mimi said the blessing. True story. Amen.

Lucy usually feeds. After all, it was her idea to have the passengers of Noah’s Ark here. I mean, I was fine living a Hank Jr. song. “I live back in the woods, you see, my woman and the kids, and the dogs, and me. I got a shotgun, a rifle, and a 4-wheel drive, and a country boy can survive. Country folks can survive.”

While we don’t actually live in the woods, it’s fairly close. We only have 5-6 cars pass our house daily, and two of those times, it’s the rural mail carrier, and our truck is only a two-wheel drive. We literally got stuck in the yard a couple of days ago. I think we got stuck on some wet leaves last year. Shame.

I closed up the hens in their coop. We can’t let the coyotes, foxes, ra’possums, or o’coons get them. We only have two left. A dog got ahold to some of them – long story – and the lone rooster went to meet his maker this week. I’ll get to that shortly.

We have three baby chicks and two baby ducks in a side coop. I had to change out the water for them for the third time today, because the ducks have the ability to mess up water in a hurry. They are filthy creatures. Who knew? I don’t know why Lucy got them, but they sure are cute.

Then I fed the horses. I had to feed them on each side of the barn, because Beau is a bully. He likes to eat Dixie’s food. Lucy refers to her as “Dixie Doodles.” Abby calls her “Dicky Doodle.” I sing “Dixie Land Delight,” as the group Alabama intended, not like the Tide.

Then I fed the dogs. First, I had to reach through the fence to empty the water out of their bowls without being electrocuted. Well, shocked. Close enough. I had to rewire the electric fence this past week, because Lucy’s dog, not mine, not even my step-dog, got out and killed some chickens. I get it. Dogs will be dogs. Boys will be boys, and Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell will never be pen pals.

Then I went back to the horses to guard Dicky Doodle’s food. She eats slower than President Trump in the 40-yard dash. Politics aside, I imagine that’s pretty darn slow.

Now, back to the buzzard bait – I mean the rooster. So, when I was out of town last weekend with perhaps my last two gigs ever—I kid—the rooster attacked my Abby. For months, he’s been attacking me and a few others. I’d go full Karate Kid on him, and he’d run off. Now, I take no joy in killing an animal for no reason, but if you attack my two-year old princess, you have two choices. You can die or you can move to the Sanders’ residence in Kentucky. As far as I know, the Colonel is dead, so this rooster enhanced the “Circle of Life.”

Now that I’m stuck at home for a while, Abby has nothing to worry about. Lucy does a phenomenal job with our daughter, but I take protection to a new level. “Over-protection” does not exist in my world with respect to my baby. I’m not only a daddy; I’m a soldier, so I’m always on guard.

I’m also a writer and am sending out books while we are one semi-lockdown. Shameless plug coming. As many of you know, I have been published by Chicken Soup for the Soul eight times. I have access to six of them – see titles below. I don’t mind being stuck at home during this pandemic. I love spending time with my family, and we are in a pretty good place to deal with all of this, but I am still looking for ways to make ends meet while all of this plays out. If you are stuck at home and like to read, well, these are all positive, uplifting books/stories. I’m selling them for $25 for one or $20 each if you purchase more than one. I know that’s a little steep but that includes shipping & handling, plus I’ll personally sign each one.

You can email me for more information.

The titles are as follows:

A Lifetime of Stuttering: From Lemons to Lemonade: 101 Positive, Practical, and Powerful Stories about Making the Best of a Bad Situation

Embracing my Uniqueness: Think Positive for Kids: 101 Stories about Good Decisions, Self-Esteem, and Positive Thinking

Miracles in Uniform: Miracles Happen: 101 Inspirational Stories about Hope, Answered Prayers, and Divine Intervention

Tough Love: The Power of Gratitude: 101 Stories about How Being Thankful Can Change Your Life(My story was featured on Inside Edition.)

Repairing Brokenness: Think Positive, Live Happy: 101 Stories about Creating Your Best Life

She was There: Best Mom Ever! 101 Stories of Gratitude, Love and Wisdom (Mother’s Day is rapidly approaching.)

Now that the shameless plug is out of the way, I do hope and pray that each of you are making the best out of this once in a lifetime situation. It’s bad, but it could always be worse. Technology gives us access to so much more than we could have ever imagined, even just 20 years ago, so it’s not so bad being stuck at home.

We have the ability to stay in touch with our family, friends, and physicians. We can still hear and watch our pastor’s share the Word. We can order food, watch movies, and play games. We can order basically whatever we want, which will be delivered to our front door. You see, it’s not so bad being stuck at home. Well, as long as you have toilet paper.