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My Garden Of Life – The Man Cave That Never Was
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My Garden Of Life – The Man Cave That Never Was

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Jody Fuller
By Jody Fuller

There’s been a little room next to the kitchen that’s been underutilized since Lucy has been in this house, unless you count storing junk as proper usage. There’s nothing wrong with a junk room. They are handy to have around. If you somehow find yourself in possession of excess anything, you just put it in the junk room.
I had a better idea for it, though. I wanted to turn it into my office / man cave / “Calgon take me away” area. The 10-year-old has a room. Abigail has a room and a womb, and she’s still 10 weeks away. Lucy pretty much has the whole rest of the house. I needed my, dare I say, safe space.

Lucy was fully supportive of me cleaning out the room, as it gave her the opportunity to see exactly what all was in there. Some of it had been in there for the two years she’s been here. I wasn’t sure what I’d find. I feared I’d find a critter or two, but that was not the case.

Once I got things cleared out, I could see the writing on the wall. Literally. There was writing on the wall. Honestly, it didn’t faze me. The wall was going to be adorned with Army, comedy, and Auburn décor anyway. Lucy, on the other hand, requested that it be painted, which is just a subtle way of telling me I was going to paint it. She did come in and pant the door and the trim on the windows. At seven months pregnant, she has her limitations. She actually worked really hard sorting out the junk, too.

My man cave was coming along well.

Next, she commented on the floors. There was some kind of old vinyl covering on the floor. It looked like wood to me. Heck, all this time, I thought it was wood, but it was just one big piece on the floor. It wasn’t even tacked down, so she pulled up the side to reveal a real wood floor. It wasn’t hardwood floors, but it was some kind of wood, so she wanted to paint it. We’ve postponed that for the time being, but we will do something with that down the road. I think we’re just going to look for a similar piece like the kind already in there. I hope I never have to paint again.

Finally, she asked the question that should never be asked when dealing with a man cave.

“Do you want me to put the valance over the window?” she asked.

There aren’t many rules to my man cave, but the first rule of man cave is that there are no valances over the window. They say that you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig; however, that’s not how it works with valances and man caves. Once you put a valance on a man cave adjacent to the kitchen, it’s no longer a man cave; it’s Lucy’s dining room.

My Army, comedy, and Auburn décor will have to find somewhere else to hang, and fortunately we’ve got the ideal spot for it about 40 minutes away. That really works out best for all of us. With her being seven months pregnant, we all need our respective safe spaces, and I need my peace and quiet to get my work done, especially when the baby comes.

On top of that, we now have a cute little family dining room. They girls have me saying “cute” way too often these days, but it is, indeed, cute. And, I have to say, the valance really accentuates its cuteness.

Jody Fuller is from Opelika. He is a comic, speaker, writer and soldier with three tours of duty in Iraq. He is also a lifetime stutterer. He can be reached at jody@jodyfuller.com. For more information, please visit www.jodyfuller.com