Home Columns Our Perfect Baby
Our Perfect Baby

Our Perfect Baby


When I last left you, we’d just arrived here at the hospital after Lucy had our baby girl two months early in the back of an ambulance without an epidural on

Jody Fuller

Friday the thirteenth. You know, just your typical child birth. Well, we’re still here but things are looking good—really good.

First, in my opinion, Abigail Jennings is the most perfect baby in the history of the world. Furthermore, it’s a fact that she’s the most perfect baby to ever be born two months early in the back of an ambulance on Friday the thirteenth. That reminds me of my cousin Karin who always lets me know that I’m her favorite cousin—well, at least her favorite cousin named Jody. Anyway, this morning one of the nurses said Abigail was “a perfect gift in a small package,” and I couldn’t agree more. Thank you, Jesus.

Lucy has been doing most of the work, but I do what I can. For example, I get Starbucks for her every morning while she breastfeeds. In fact, I go to Starbucks two or three times a day. Although I try, I just can’t seem to get her interested in Sanka. Friends and family often ask what they can do for us. I tell that we’d be grateful for thoughts, prayers, and Starbucks gift cards. I kid, but not really. I’m starting to learn the jargon, which is a bit disheartening. I so enjoy sounding like a caveman while placing my order. It’s unnerving to the baristas. Lately, I’ve just been using the app.

Breastfeeding is really beautiful, albeit slightly painful from what I hear. I can’t get enough of it. Okay, that didn’t sound right, although I did sample a drop of it on my hand. It didn’t have much of taste to it. Next time, I’ll add some Splenda. But seriously, I can’t get enough of watching mother and child bond in such a beautiful and natural manner. Sometimes I get a little too close, which freaks Lucy out. She’s needs her space for that. I get that, but I’m just so mesmerized by it.
The other night while I held Abigail skin to skin, she made a couple of motions which indicated she thought that I too was a maker of milk. If I could, I would, but I can’t. You can’t draw water from a dry well. But I must tell you that that skin to skin feeling with my baby is the greatest feeling ever. Feeling her little heart beat against mine and hearing those faint little sounds coming from such a little miracle is truly mesmerizing. And when those little feet rub against my stomach, fugetaboutit.

Like I said, Lucy has done most of the work. She has been a champion. I haven’t gotten too much sleep, but she’s gotten less, hence the frequent need for Starbucks. The accommodations are really nice, but we still have only a tiny couch and recliner to sleep on. We should be at the Ronald McDonald House by the time you’re reading this.

Thankfully, Lucy is learning me the ropes, slowly. While I can’t breastfeed, I have bottle-fed Abigail a few times. Getting her to burp is the toughest part. I’ve tried leading by example, but it hasn’t worked, yet. Wait ‘til she’s 10. Lucy has also taught me not to jump up every time I hear her crying. That’s tough. I’ve yet to change any diapers, but I’m sure I will. Maybe.

I haven’t swaddled her, either, but that’s coming. Some have suggested swaddling a baby is like wrapping up a burrito, but I’ve never been too good at that. Furthermore, how dare someone suggest I put onions and peppers on my baby. I’d hate to have to change a diaper or something. I’ll get around to doing it soon. I figure if I can fold the American flag, then I can surely swaddle my child, especially with Lucy’s help. She’s been awesome.

I can’t brag on her enough, but I have to save a little bragging for the nurses. They have just been phenomenal in every way. I’m sure I’ll write more about them in a future article. Lastly, I’d be remiss if I didn’t brag on Abigail, because she is, after all, the most perfect baby in the history of the world. Well, maybe the second most perfect. Sometimes, it’s okay being second. Thank you, Jesus.

Jody Fuller is from Opelika. He is a comic, speaker, writer and soldier with three tours of duty in Iraq. He is also a lifetime stutterer. He can be reached at jody@jodyfuller.com. For more information, please visit www.jodyfuller.com