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Terrorism at Home
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Terrorism at Home

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By Bill Frazer

The breaking news on TV this morning was a former CIA agent addressing the fact that terrorists were using heavy trucks to run down citizens gathered in outside events. We know that few months ago the terrorist attempted to kill people in a night club and a train station. The special agent stated that the use of trucks to take out people in large gatherings in other countries has been successful and it is only a matter of time until our citizens will be attacked using a heavy road vehicle. He issued a warning to all heavy trucks and road vehicles owners and users to leave them locked while not in use.

Fox News says that it is a fact that there are several thousand terrorists located in this country. Therefore, I have concluded that there is no reason to take unnecessary chances during these terror threats. I have even been preparing my home so that it will be secure during a terrorist attack. I can not think of any reason for a terrorist to attack my house as a lot of countrymen would be glad to see the old man out of the way. They would not have to continue to pay my social security, doctor bills and food stamps. But one never knows, so I am going to make maximum security preparations.

The terrorist would be wise to pick a place that is more news worthy than a lint head community in West Point, GA. However, some say that the terrorist groups seemingly draw names out of a hat to see who the victims are.

The first thing that I have done is tried to buy some gas masks for Maxine and I. They might come in handy as when Maxine serves butter beans and chitterlings known to be gaseous foods. I went to Walmart and they were sold out. The clerk says that there has been a run on the masks as of late. I left and went down to the Army Surplus Store and they had sold out all of their masks to the city sewerage workers. He tried to sell me a used Patriot missile, but it would not fit into the back of Maxine’s Yukon. I knew that I should have brought my pickup.

I went on down to Columbus where all military gear can be found at “Honest Ed’s Used Gas Mask Store”. Ed says he was in the used car business before the war and now carrying on the same business as an army surplus salesman. I purchased a new mask for Maxine and one for myself formerly used by a little old lady school teacher from Auburn.

Now that I am protected from being gassed, I decided I needed to update my weapons arsenal. I was out of BB’s, so I purchased a box of pellets. I sharpened my hatchet and bush axe as well as my butcher knife.

In other protective gear, I have as standard stock two bicycle helmets. Also, I have a gallon of toilet bowl cleaner handy to spray on any attackers, which is akin to the Syrian poison gas (remember I have the gas mask ready for gas attacks).

I have an early warning system in play. The little dog (Drake) next door goes into a barking frenzy if a leaf blows down the street. The ultimate protection would be if the Police Chief that lives next door would drive a marked police car home rather than an unmarked vehicle.

Now, I figured out the risk of being in crowds whether indoor or out of doors. I no longer attend dog fights, swinging door bars, Fredonia Heritage Day, firing ranges, outside poker games or pity parties for Crimson Tiders in Clemson.

If I ever go to New York, I will avoid Fox News Headquarters which is high on the list of targets for terrorists. It is also high on this list for many liberal people.

Now, I have not figured out the heavy vehicle protection thing altogether. I think if I ever attend any large crowd events, it will have to be held upstairs.