Any opinions expressed are the writer’s and not necessarily endorsed by this publication.
With football season at its midway point it is time to poke some fun at our opponents. Remember these famous quotes?
“Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble the football.” – John Heisman
“I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.” – Bear Bryant / Alabama
“It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!” – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
“At Georgia Southern, we don’t cheat. That costs money, and we don’t have any.” – Erik Russell / Georgia Southern
“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.” – Lou Holtz / Arkansas – Notre Dame
“When you win, nothing hurts.” – Joe Namath / Alabama
“A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.” – Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
“I don’t expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.” – Bob Devaney / Nebraska
In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.” – Wally Butts /Georgia
“I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms – Truman’s and Eisenhower’s.” – Alex Karras / Iowa
My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive there in a bad humor.” – Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
“I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades.” – Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
“Always remember Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.” – Shug Jordan / Auburn
“I once asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn’t recruit me . “ He said, “Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren’t any good.” – Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State
“Son, you’ve got a good engine, but your hands aren’t on the steering wheel.” – Bobby Bowden / Florida State
“Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.” – Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post-game message to his team was, “All those who need showers, take them.” – John McKay / USC
“If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.” – Murray Warmath / Minnesota
“The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb.”- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
“At Texas we live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.” – Darrell Royal / Texas
“We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.” – John McKay / USC
“I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.” – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
“He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.” – Urban Meyer / Florida
Other quotes from unknown sources…….
Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday
How many Clemson freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb? None. That’s a sophomore course.
How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.
Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.” The other looked up in the sky and said,
What do you say to a Florida football player dressed in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise.”
How can you tell if an Arkansas football player has a girlfriend? There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
How is the Kansas football team like a ‘possum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car? He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
See you at the game…..